"I know you’re no good for me, but I want you so bad
Why do I always give my heart to the ones I can never have??"
-Moi
"I know you’re no good for me, but I want you so bad
Why do I always give my heart to the ones I can never have??"
-Moi
"Soon”. I hate that word. It’s an answer lacking commitment and I’m left there waiting like a fool for “soon” to come. Will it be today?? Maybe tomorrow. Time passes… and nothing. It will be today. I’m sure of it, I have this feeling in my gut. I get excited, waiting with anticipation… Morning is gone… waiting… waiting… Afternoon has passed… Still… Waiting… It’s late into the evening, my hope is fading… but there’s this little, tiny glimmer of HOPE… 11:59 PM… All hope is gone… Soon is not today… Maybe tomorrow… Yes, tomorrow… Tomorrow is soon I’m sure of it… So I will wait, but my patience is wearing thin… Each day I wait my hope decreases… The doubt increases… My heart’s in more pieces… How much longer must I wait.. wait… wait… wait… and wait.. My love muscle tells me “I can’t go on like this much longer, when will this waiting and heartache be over?” My hand to my chest and eyes getting wet I confidently tell myself “Soon”."
What you what isn’t always what you need…
It’s 9am and I haven’t fallen asleep yet. I’ve realized that I have become obsessed over you. I have given you way too much control over my life. I though that I could find myself in you, but I ended up losing myself in you. I thought this was my chance to finally fall in love so I put my whole heart into this ignoring the facts and thinking that we could be this amazing love story. I should have known from the first time you disappointed me to take it slow but you played your game and I fell right into your trap. Maybe you’re not into me anymore, that’s why you haven’t called or texted me in four days. Or why you haven’t initiated a conversion with me in two weeks. Maybe it’s just a ploy to make me miss you even more than I already do. To make me want you even more. Well it’s working it worked. I want you, but I have come to the realization that I don’t need you. You cause both happiness and sadness in my life and right now the sad outweighs the happy. Maybe it’s not your fault maybe it’s just me. I’m not ready. Not right now. There’s too much going on right now for me to add this stress to my life. It’s almost Christmas. I thought it would be mu first Christmas not single. I want you soooo badly. But I can’t risk the heartbreak right now. I’m not mentally ready. I don’t want to cry anymore. I thought that writing this would make me feel better get things off my chest and realize that I didn’t want you for the right reasons and after writing this I would be a little bit stronger and see the light, realize that I need to get over you. That that’s the logical thing to do. But now I’m just more confused than ever. I started this rant after an “epiphany” that no matter how hard it may be, I need to get over you. But I just want to fight for you more now. Sometimes you have to fight for what you want. There are things in life that you have to risk. Things don’t just fall into place perfectly all the time. So… I want YOU. I, just don’t know how I’m gonna get you. I need to make you see that I AM THE ONE you not only WANT but NEED. Because together, I swear we’d be unstoppable. I’m preparing myself for you. I may not exactly be ready now but I WILL be ready when the time comes. I will not shed one more tear of sorrow for you until I’m with you and hopefully WHEN that happens I won’t ever want to shed a tear of sorrow over you ever again. It’s time to go for what I truly want in my life and I WANT YOU. I want you I want you I want you. Now I’ve just got to figure out how I’m gonna get you….
Stressed
I am soooo stressed out right now. Like I guess this is that age where life just hits you and it wither makes you or breaks you. Like we’re supposed figure out what careers we want to be doing for the rest of our lives. We start looking for that significant other that can be the one we potentially live with for the rest of our lives, and we start losing friendships that we thought would last forever. It’s hard, like these few years after high school in post secondary institutions are probably the most stressful and trying times of our lives. Especially if you’re indecisive like myself.
Like how am I supposed to juggle school, a part time job and maintain a social life of partying and drinking 1-3 times a week? They say for every hour you spend in lecture you should spend 2 hours studying so at 5 courses x 3hours a week=15 hours of lectures per week so x2 is 30 and add those together and that equals 45 hours a week and with labs/ tutorials lets just round that up to a nice 50 hours. Now with a part time job of about 20 hours per week that is now 70 hours taken out of my week.
Now of course every student who wants to do well in school should get the recommended 8 hours of sleep per night, so 8x7= 56. Add that to the 70 from before and we now have 126 hours taken away from our week. Now let’s not forget about exercise. We must remain active and fit throughout this crucial stage of development in out lives. The recommended amount of activity for young adults is about an hour per day. So that’s seven hours per week. If we want to graduate and get a good job soon after we must build our co-curricular record. This would include many of the campus clubs offered through your school which can take require anywhere from 1-5 and possibly even more hours per week. We now have approximately 135 hours taken away from our week.
With 168 hours a week - approx. 135 hours required to have a successful future we are left with 33 hours per week or just under 5 hours a day. Woops almost forgot about eating. Well three meals a day at we’ll just say about 1 hour to cook and eat on average that’s another 3 hours per day. So now we have under 2 hours a day to deal with, relationships, friendships and just to have a good time and enjoy life. I swear they say these are the best times of your life. Well you’re not fooling me. I look forward to the day where I graduate and I can only hope things get less stressful.
What I like about you…
You ask me what’s on mind. I’m always the one that listens to everyone else’s problem and when I’m ready to talk no one listens. Even though I never tell you what’s on my mind you keep asking. I wish I could tell you but it just takes me by surprise when you ask, it’s not a question that I usually hear so I don’t really know how to answer. I know it seems simple like just say what’s on my mind, but I have so many things going through my head it confuses me to try and sort them out into comprehensible sentences on the spot, just like that. But you still wait to hear my answer and I love that. Which brings me to my second point.
Your patience and persistence. most people would have given up by now but you keep on waiting to hear my answers. Even if there is those long, awkward silences, you just wait there patiently until I’m ready to talk.Like you won’t stop until I answer you and you don’t let me get away without answering. Although I act like I’m annoyed when you won’t let me not answer you, I still really appreciate that you don’t give up.
You trust me and can tell me how you feel. Even though I don’t always confide in you and tell you how I’m really feeling you still feel comfortable enough to talk to me about your feelings.
Next is your passion and emotion. Like you actually have feelings and you don’t act like those dumb ass n*ggas that act like they have no emotion and say money over hoes or whatever it is they talk about.
I guess I like you for what you’re not and what you don’t do too. Like you’re not one of those emotionless males that only look for sex and don’t try to build a relationship. You don’t jump around from girl girl. You don’t only compliment my body. You don’t act like someone that you’re not to impress me. You’re not annoying. You’re not controlling and you don’t let me control you.
On a lighter less emotional note, I love that you’re tall. Like pretty much a whole foot taller than me. It makes me feel tiny and I love that. And your lips. I don’t what it is about them but they are just so damn attractive. I long for the day that I finally get to see what your mouth is capable of.
So, pretty much I like you because you’re real. Which may sound cliche or whatever but it’s the truth. So yea, that’s pretty much how I feel about you and why I am so thankful that you’ve come into my life. Whatever happens happens but you’ve made a positive impact in my life so far and hopefully although there will be ups and downs, things will only get better from here.
Base By: Jahrenesis
